Special Note: At the end of this story there are pictures of Nathan's delivery. If blood makes you queasy you might want to skip the photos.
Around 2am on February 15th I woke up with contractions. After laying in bed for an hour I decided they were not going away so I woke up Bill and told him I thought we were going to have a baby. I also called my doula, Tara. She encouraged me to go back to bed and get as much rest as possible and to call her if things changed. At 10am I woke up from a deep sleep and realized that the contractions had stopped. I gave Tara an update and she told me keep resting. I spent the rest of the day and evening watching movies and napping.
The next day, February 16th, was a repeat of the 15th. I woke up around midnight with contractions came every 5-6 minutes until around 6am. They were more intense than the night before and harder to manage. At 6am I thought, “after the next one I am going to wake up Bill and call Tara”. I woke up 2 hours later. The contractions had stopped.
Fighting off discouragement, Bill and I went to breakfast and returned home to get more rest. Through out the day I had sporadic contractions but nothing consistent. Again we spent the day watching movies and napping. Around 10pm that night I had three or four fairly intense contractions in a row. I decided it would be good to go to bed in case I was in for another long night.
At 1:15am on February 17th I woke up to very strong contractions. After a couple of them my back really started to hurt and I could no longer stay in bed and manage the pain. I cried out for Bill to get up and help me. He warmed up a heat pack and rubbed my back with each contraction as I leaned over the bed. After an hour the contractions were about 3 minutes apart and the back pain intensified. I called Tara and we jointly decided it was time for her to come.
When Tara arrived around 3am she went to town on my back and hips in order to get Nathan in the correct position and relieve my back pain. I remember lying there incredibly thankful for Tara’s presence and thinking there was no way I would have been able to do this with out her. Turns out that would be a recurring thought in my head for the next 23 hours and every time I think of Nathan’s birth.
The rest of the morning, through out the day and into the early evening on Friday were spent laboring at home. Tara had me all over the house in many different positions. In the early morning just after the sun came up my contractions started to slow down a bit (surprise, surprise) so we went for a walk around the block. I remember saying to Tara that it seemed like this laboring thing should be harder. Don’t get me wrong the contractions were tough but with Tara’s help they felt manageable. Little did I know that I was still in the very early stages of labor and things were definitely going to get harder, A LOT harder!
At some point that afternoon Tara had me sitting on the toilet during numerous contractions. I really liked being in a seated position because I could feel the pressure of Nathan’s head on my rectum and with certain contractions I could actually feel him moving deeper into my pelvis. Feeling him in this way gave my contractions purpose. During this time Bill turned on the Chris Tomlin Pandora station. The first song that came on was Your Grace is Enough by Chris Tomlin.
Great is Your faithfulness, oh God
You wrestle with the sinner's heart
You lead us by still waters and to mercy
And nothing can keep us apart
So remember Your people
Remember Your children
Remember Your promise, oh God
Your grace is enough
Your grace is enough
Your grace is enough for me
I immediately started crying as I mumbled the words to the song through my contractions. I was reminded that God is with me and he would give me everything I needed to get through this labor.
A few songs later a song came on (I don’t know the name or artist) about someone who had lost someone they loved and was comforted by knowing that they would see them in heaven some day. The words of this song immediately took me to our friends Bob and Val who had lost their 12 week old, Julia, to Cardiomyopathy the week before. As my baby was working with every contraction to come into this world my heart grieved for my friends and their lose and I cried uncontrollably. As I thought of Val and her pain I was overwhelmed with how unworthy I was to be receiving this healthy baby into my life. God is kind and gracious to give us good gifts. I pray I will honor him with this gift.
As the sun began to set Tara had me walking up and down the hallway in an attempt to move my contractions along. As I was walking Bill was playing a Zoombie video game. He said my moaning through my contractions was providing a nice surround sound to his video game. Apparently I sounded like a Zoombie!
Through out the day there had been moments when Tara thought I was getting close to being ready to head to the hospital but than things would slow down. As I was walking around the house, I remember thinking and asking Tara at what point do we go to the hospital and allow the doctors to move things along through drugs. I really did not want to have any drugs during my labor but at this point I was starting to get really discouraged by the pattern of my contractions and the amount of time it was taking. Tara asked for 20 more minutes to try and move things along and than we would head to the hospital. I climbed into my bed and thought.... “It is dark again. We started this in the dark. I hope it ends before the sun comes up again.”
20 minutes later things were definitely starting to progress. As I rolled my belly over our green exercise ball and Bill laid next to me the contractions started coming on faster and stronger and my legs started shaking Before I knew it Bill was calling the hospital to let them know we were coming. Tara was packing up her bag. I remember standing by the front door working through a contraction thinking the next time I walk through this door I’ll have a baby in my hands.
Bill helped me climb into the Jeep and off we went. I had 5 or 6 strong contractions in the car and thought how grateful I was it was 8pm on a Friday night and we did not have a lot of traffic to deal with.
Tara rolled me into the labor and delivery unit and I was put in an observation room. Contractions were continuing to come at break neck speed. I remember hearing the nurse asking the doctor if she could skip the patient in room A and come to room D for an evaluation. As the OB checked me, I remember her saying in a chipper voice, “Yes you are definitely in active labor”. I thought “really was there any doubt? I could have told you that!” She than told me that I was 4 cm dilated and 100% effaced. My heart immediately sank. How could I only be 4cm dilated after all the work I had done at home? Tara and the 2 nurses in my room immediately assured me that many women go from 4cm to 10cm in a matter of hours. She took me to the bathroom and had me sit on the toilet. The blood started flowing and Tara told me that was evidence that my cervix was opening up. I was relieved.
At some point they moved me from the observation room to the labor and delivery room. Tara took me to the bathroom to sit on the toilet again. As I worked through a couple of really strong contractions I thought “I don’t ever need to do this again, with or without drugs. I don’t need to have another baby.”
From there I moved back to the bed and just when I thought things could not get any worse I was overcome with an incredible urge to push. The doctor told me not to push because I was not completely dilated. If I pushed before being dilated I could tear my cervix. With each contraction it took everything in me to manage the pain and resist the urge to push. I remember being on my hands and knees and falling back on my feet with each contraction thinking “I can not do this. There is no way I can do this. Someone please offer me drugs.” Although that was the constant chorus in my head Bill says I only verbalized my thoughts three times. Every time I said I couldn’t do it Tara told me I was doing it and reminded me that I had been doing it all day long and that my baby was almost here. At one point I remember Tara telling me to look at all the people in the room. She told me all those people would not be in the room if my baby was not really close to being born. That was a huge motivator for me. I dug deep and kept going.
The doctor came in and checked me again and I was finally fully dilated. I could push! Bill held my left leg and Tara my right. It was such a relief to push. I remember someone saying “now the question is will this be a Friday baby or a Saturday baby.” I looked at the clock and it was 11:40pm. I was hoping it would be a Friday baby. I was so ready to be done. But much to my chagrin pushing lasted for another hour.
I remember the nurse paging the doctor telling her it was time. I knew from all the baby shows I had watched that that meant the head was starting to crown. Very shortly after that I started feeling a very strong burning sensation and I immediately thought of my co-worker Thuan. When she talks about the birth of her kids she always talks about the “ring of fire”. I now knew what Thuan was talking about!
Bill really wanted to be as involved as possible in this birth. He made that very clear to the doctors and nurses and they were very supportive. So when the doctor said it was time for Bill to get ready I knew we were really, really close. The nurse offered him gloves and a gown. He took the gloves. Next thing I knew Nathan was out and Bill was removing the bag of waters from his head and chest. What sweet relief, I was done. Bill put Nathan on my chest and as soon as he landed on my chest, he pooped all over me. I had no idea he had done that and ended up rubbing my hand and arm all in his poop. I laugh about it today because when I was pregnant with Nathan his butt was under my right side ribs most of the time. I would constantly rub it and often thought he was going to get me back for it some day.
When Nathan was on my chest the doctor started delivering the placenta and cleaning me up. That process was incredibly painful. So much so that I could hardly enjoy my son. I remember Tara saying focus on your baby but I found that impossible. That is probably the biggest disappointment of my delivery. I was expecting to have overwhelming feelings of love and attachment to my baby but all I felt was relief that I was done and frustration that I was still in such pain despite the fact that Nathan had arrived. It actually took me a couple of days for those feelings of love and attachment to settle in.
The afternoon we got home from the hospital I was sitting on the couch next to Bill feeding Nathan and the tears of joy started flowing. What a beautiful baby, an amazing husband, and a blessed life I have. Giving birth to Nathan was the most amazing experience I’ve ever had.
It is still hard for me to believe that I did what I set out to do and delivered Nathan without any interventions. And more than that I survived 23.5 hours of labor without any pain meds. All the doctors and nurses at the hospital as well as my experienced mom friends have told me what a strong woman I am. I appreciate the accolades but I look back on that day and I know without a doubt that my strength was not my own. God provided me with the strength I needed. And much of that strength came through Tara and Bill. Had they not been by my side coaching me and cheering me on I never would have made it. I am deeply humbled by their support and encouragement and I am left with a deeper appreciation for the value of relationships in this life.
Special Note: To follow are pictures of Nathan's delivery. If blood makes you queasy you might want to skip the photos.
Bill catching Nathan as he was born.
The bag of waters was still around Nathan's head and chest.
Bill got to remove it.
Bill clamping and cutting Nathan's umbilical cord.
Moments after Bill placed Nathan on my chest.
The OB showing and explaining the placenta to us.
The proud papa!
The congratulatory kiss!
Proud parents.
Nathan getting weighed, measured, and cleaned up.
Tara, my doula, on the right and Sylvia, my labor and delivery nurse, on the left.
Nathan and I the morning after he was born.
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